I have a friend that I’ve been friends with for years. It’s almost like we’re stuck together. Sort of like life partners. If I had to label her, she would be my best girlfriend. We fight like siblings and makeup like them. Over the last two years, I’ve slowly started to pull myself away from the relationship. There are several reasons for this, but the most recent altercation has confirmed my gut feeling I need to let this relationship go.
As we grow older I’m starting to realize we just aren’t on the same wavelength anymore. I’m focused on my business and accomplishing my goals and she is stuck in an unhealthy relationship with two children to take care of. It’s sad really. But what can you do? I think what’s even sadder is that she’s completely in denial about her situation. She’s been chasing this person for nearly 12 years now and when she got pregnant last year she finally got him to commit to her. He’s an alcoholic who already has three kids he doesn’t see, he displays extreme control and anger issues, oh and he doesn’t work. What a winner.
I myself was in an unhealthy relationship once. Once I was able to get out and get back on my feet, it’s like I was living again. And I promised myself that I’ll never allow that type of relationship into my life again. If someone or something isn’t beneficial to my life or it doesn’t make me happy, then it’s time to move on. It’s really very simple, in my opinion.
Now I recognize that unfortunately, everyone doesn’t think like me. Some people don’t think they have the control or ability to remove themselves from unhealthy relationships like this. Though they do have the control, they don’t think they do. From my experience, it’s difficult to move out of your comfort zone. But that’s where the magic happens. That’s when you start to come alive and your dreams come true. Why would you want to get to their end of your life and realize that you didn’t do what you wanted to do all along? You didn’t do what made you happy. You wasted your life dealing with things you didn’t need to deal with. Why would you want a life like that? That’s a very sad life to live.
Recently I spent some time with this friend who, when alone, confided in me that she was unhappy with the way things were going. When her significant other came into the picture, she changed her story. They fought about little things all throughout the day. And at one point he went into the bedroom and started punching the wall. She saw the look of frustration on my face and asked me what was wrong. I then let her know that it was exhausting being around such an unhealthy couple. Her response was that they are a healthy normal couple. Ok, if you say so.
Personally, I believe that you can’t love someone else properly without first loving yourself. And if you don’t love yourself and you try to love someone else, that creates an unhealthy environment for everyone. I also don’t think that a healthy relationship is one that involves constant bickering, fighting, and punching walls especially with children in the home. I believe that once you lose yourself, you’ve lost a healthy relationship. I’ve found the best thing to do in situations like this is to walk away completely. I refuse to go through my life surrounded by these types of unhealthy relationships.