Hours spent dealing with anxiety: 1,000
Hours spent writing: 3
No one ever tells you when you’re growing up but being human is hard. In fact, it’s really hard. And no one tells you. I wish there was a crash course in being an adult when you’re like 5 so you can decide whether or not you want to participate. Which right now I do not want to do.
Last night I found myself awake (again) at 3:30 in the morning and having a huge anxiety attack. My anxiety is on the extreme lately. I couldn’t do anything but lay there and cry while having chest pains and being unable to breathe. Again, what it’s like being human.
There’s a part of me that understands what’s making me so anxious. And then there’s a part of me that doesn’t understand why or how I’ve allowed it to affect me as it has. It’s really insane is what it is. I’ve never had anxiety this bad before in my entire life.
There are some days I don’t know how I’m going to make it to the end of the day. It’s almost as if I could literally drop dead on the spot. Then there are some days it only lasts a few minutes before it’s gone and I can move on.
I’ve done almost everything you can think of to try and control it and now I’m thinking that it’s not just my energy that’s causing it but maybe someone else’s too. And that’s not to say that’s a bad thing, but definitely something that should be taken into account. Life is crazy.
One day everything is fine, and the next day you’ve found yourself totally captivated by another. So much so that you’re entire aurora changes. And suddenly the grass is greener where you watered it. Maybe that’s the part that makes me most anxious.